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‘I own four (4) cars that cost more than all your poxy incomes put together, yeah?’

Treading where IS(is) fear to tread for fear of the apocalypse here’s professional phoney petrol-whore, Reithian defier and guaranteed deliverer of insincerity and junk, arse-licker extraordinaire Chris ‘I’m a Ginger, ya know?!’ Evans:

‘I knew there was a reason when I was seven years of age why I needed to be on the radio and this is it’

Followed by 12 of the most dispiriting words known to man.(c.f. ‘Noel’s getting Oasis back together’ and ‘Your cancer’s returned … only this time it’s terminal’)

‘Our Christmas present to you this Friday is Coldplay in the studio.’

‘Come, come nuclear bomb’ indeed.

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Noel, Liam and manager, Russell Grant, celebrate the impending reunion’

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